I want to share something with you that’s very close to my heart. Many of you know of my husband’s cancer diagnosis this year. He has been treated and is now cancer-free…Hallelujah! What you’ll read today is something I wrote in October 2012 when we first became aware of the nodules in my husband’s neck. We were in the middle of our classes for foster parent certification. And I believe the rest will explain itself as you read.
I pray that your soul would be drawn toward the God who never leaves us nor forsakes us, especially in the storms.
~~
“Never doubt in the darkness
what God has shown you
in the light.”
GOD, in His wonderful, matchless, unfathomable grace, has seen fit to stoop down…
and point something out…
to me…
turning my face with His gentle hand, stretching his arm, and pointing my gaze toward something I’ve never seen before…
or perhaps toward something I’ve intentionally been turning away from.
I don’t fully understand why He does this. I’m sure I never will.
He certainly doesn’t have to.
But I do know that what He shows me always has a significant purpose,
for me…
for my family…
for generations to come…
and just maybe, for people I don’t even know…
YET.
Recently He has been showing me how small my heart is…
and how big He wants it to be.
He has given me a glimpse of how tiny my world is…
and how many people I exclude from it.
And He has been helping me, stretching me, breaking me…
bit by bit, small step by small step.
So what will I do when my tiny world He’s gradually broadening starts to shake…
threatening to turn completely upside down and capsize me and
all those I love and all those I want to love right along with it?
What happens when my small but stretching heart starts to break with the possibilities and the questions and the waiting and the wondering and the dreading and the hoping?
That’s when I close my eyes, and remember…
I remember how He took the time and made a point to show me something special.
I bring back to my memory the way He looked at me so lovingly right before He averted my gaze to that something special He wanted me to see.
And even though it’s hard, and even though I cry, and even though I’m struggling not to worry and not to be afraid…I can’t help but smile just a little bit.
Because I remember…
He loves me. And I can trust Him.
And for now,
that’s enough.
William Newton Clarke
Written by Jennifer Clarke
10/3/12
Loved this. Praise God that he’s now cancer free!
I have also been feeling convicted this past year about how small and selfish my heart has been lately, and I have been stretched, broken, and strengthened by a health problem this past year too. “He loves me, and I can trust Him” is basically my theme for the year ahead. Trusting God is going to be my focus this year.
Encouraging post. Thank you!
Thank you, Jane! I’m praising Him with you for His love, and that He is worthy…so worthy of our trust. Thank you for reading, and for taking a moment to share your heart.
WOW! Janet…the tears are rolling down my cheeks. Praise the Lord. In May 2012 I, too, was shown nearly the same thing that God wanted you to see…my then 23 yr. old son was independent, college educated, employed young in the world when in a blink while @ work he had “the worst headache of his life” and went unconscious within minutes. We got that call, the one no parent ever wants…my baby was clinging to life w/ nothing but a heartbeat. Jonathan had a massive AVM rupture/ hemmoragic stroke, was in EM surgery, and Vanderbilt dr’s did NOT expect him to survive the surgery. I would NEVER see him the same as “before” again. Through God’s grace & my blind faith, after 13 wks of hospitalization & 2 yrs. of therapies…my miracle is here w/ me. God showed me how Unimportant anything was except His will, my obedience & faith. Thank you for sharing your heart.