A Listening Problem

As a homeschooling mom to three children, I hear a lot of words throughout my day.

Can I get an amen?

(Side note: I wonder if there’s a formula for determining to what degree the words are multiplied when two of the children are girls…)

Words about friends.

And dreams.

And football.

And music.

And schoolwork.

And gross things.

And scary things.

And I have to be honest…

most of these words don’t matter much to me.

They don’t offer any value to my existence. They don’t answer any of my problems or ease any of my workload.

In fact, on my worst days, they can be one of my greatest annoyances.

Until I remember my own Father.

And how He attentively listens to me, His child.

But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer.

Psalm 66:19

I mean, I certainly don’t share anything earth-shattering with Him. My words don’t add any value to His existence. They don’t enlighten Him or contribute to His understanding.

Yet He pays attention when I talk to Him.

Not because my words bear all that much significance.

But because I do.

If the God of all creation —

the One whose words bore the power of willing the entire universe into existence —

can condescend to devote His attention to my meager utterances, completely insignificant by comparison…

just because He loves me,

how much more should I stoop a mere few inches to the little faces of my children and really listen to the heart behind their words?

Here are a few reasons why it’s so important:

Listening communicates love and builds self-worth. I know this is true of myself, right? When my husband or friend takes time to listen attentively to me, I feel loved. I feel validated. I feel like I matter. This is no less true for my kids…and maybe even more so.

Listening lets me hear their hearts. Parents are urged to train up their children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). When my children speak, they’re sharing valuable information about what’s going on in their hearts — information which can and should guide me as I seek to train them.

Listening keeps them talking to me instead of someone else. Sometimes I just need to talk with someone. And if my #1 listener isn’t available or isn’t attentive, I just might try #2 or #3. It’s a high honor to be first on my kids’ list of listeners. And it bears many benefits, as it grants opportunities to respond with wisdom and truth. Wisdom and truth they might not hear if they take their conversations elsewhere.

Listening lays the foundation for our future relationship. The concerns on my children’s hearts right now are pretty minor…to me. But they’ll undoubtedly grow in significance as they mature. I want my teenagers to talk to me about their relationships, temptations, spiritual growth, and decisions. But if they’ve grown up knowing I’m not really listening to them, I’m pretty sure they won’t pick their teenage years to give me the benefit of the doubt.

Listening makes me more like my Father. And I kind of think if I could see parenthood from God’s perspective, that’s one of His primary goals. Because it’s not just about me raising children, helping them survive childhood and eventually grow up. It’s equally about me growing up in Him.