Have you ever heard conversations between parents about which transition was the hardest for them?
It goes something like this:
“Oh, I had a terrible time going from one child to two. When you just have one, you can take naps when the baby’s sleeping. Not anymore!”
“The one-to-two transition was a breeze for me. Adding our third was the killer for us because that meant my husband and I were outnumbered!”
“You guys have no idea! Just wait until you have your fourth, and your oldest three are old enough to want to help, but too young to actually help, so you have to supervise their non-helping and then undo their non-helping, all while watching everyone like a hawk around the clock to make sure you end the day with the same number of kids you started with!”
Each family will have a different answer, and some of those may change over time.
Not mine, though.
Confession of One of Those Self-Centered Parents
My hardest parenting transition by far was going from zero kids to one kid. It was infinitely harder than going from one to two. Or from two to three. Or even from three to six.
Perhaps to you seasoned moms it doesn’t seem like having a single child is all that difficult.
But the thing that was so hard about having our first was the stark realization that my life no longer revolved around me.
I’m aware of how self-centered that makes me sound.
And I’m okay with that, because even though I’m not necessarily proud of that label, I still recognize it as truth. In some ways, I was very, very self-centered, and the thing is, I didn’t even know it.
I had no clue that sleeping when I wanted to sleep, eating when I wanted to eat, showering when I wanted to shower, going out when I wanted to go out, and basically revolving life around my needs and desires equated to self-centeredness.
It’s one of countless lessons God has taught me through motherhood.
Life isn’t about me.
Now before you tell me it’s not healthy to revolve my life around my kids, let me assure you that I’m not one of those parents, and that’s not the lesson I’m talking about.
The lesson I needed to learn is that my life should revolve around God. In a way that means there’s nothing more precious to me than divine relationship.
And out of that relationship flows faithful stewardship.
Which means that even though my life isn’t centered around my kids, my life it is centered around the callings God has bestowed, not the least of which is “Mom.”
The truth is, babies and small children are needy.
And actually so are big kids and teenagers, in different ways and to varying degrees.
But if I’m not oh-so-careful about my perspective, I can start to get bitter and resentful about having to take care of everyone else’s needs and desires when so many of my own get pushed to the back burner.
(Like this very night when I scrubbed toilets and bathtubs as emotions swirled around in my heart and flowed out of my eyes in the form of tears, simply because bathroom duty wasn’t what I wanted to be doing.)
It’s times like this that I can choose to remember Who made me “Mom” in the first place.
And then I remember that HE is really the only thing I need.
And the really awesome thing about that is that my need for Him never has to go unmet.
Thank you, Father.
Beautiful reminder, thanks!
Thank you for your ongoing encouragement, Moira!
Thank you so much for this. I found this post so very encouraging.
Welcome, Tammy! I’m happy that you found a bit of truth here. 🙂 Thanks for getting in touch!
Oh my. There are so many “confessions of a self-centered mom” that I need to make! I find myself, all to often, wishing I could just do something for myself. But it’s in those times that I have to remember those days that I yearned to be a Mommy. And then I’m reminded of how gracious and GENEROUS the Lord has been to give me these blessings and this calling of motherhood. Thanks for the reminder!
I love you, friend!!
Christie
I find myself doing the same thing, Christie. Sometimes I even go so far as to envy moms of teenagers, or even empty-nesters. It seems that if I’m not vigilant, I can drift into constantly wishing I were in a different season of life. What I easily forget is that I‘m living my dream come true right now. How terrible for me to allow the enemy to steal that from me! These are days we’ll never recapture; oh, for more grace to steward them well! Thanks for saying hello here. 🙂
This is so true. Resentment often creeps up on me when I feel taken for granted and disrespected, even though I adore my kids with all my heart! I need to remember my calling and Who it is that equips me even on those long, long days and nights. Like today, when mess reigns and strep is visiting along with some pretty grumpy people. I’m trying not to catch either strep or the grumpies. Needed this reminder! Good medicine, Jennifer.
I’m so glad this post ministered to you in a time of true need, Donna. Thank you for stopping by, and for sharing with me. I just took some time to pray for good health for your family! I hope and pray the strep is on its way out.
Thanks for sharing this Jennifer…and so, so much needed by all of us. Kinda shocking to find that life and the world doesn’t revolve around me! I love this perspective and this is something all of us need to read and heed!
Hi there, sweet lady! I wish I could say that I’ve passed the “selflessness” test with flying colors, but I suspect “dying to self” is a process that won’t end on this side of heaven. But I’m grateful that He doesn’t give up on me, and that He allows me opportunities to learn and to share! Thank you for reading. 🙂 It truly means so much!
The mommy life is definitely the heights of stewardship. Without God’s grace we can never do it. Thanks for the reminders and encouragement. Love your thoughts.
YES, God’s grace is our only hope, isn’t it? Blessings to you, friend.
I was thinking about how marriage has shown me how selfish I am already. Lol. This has encouraged me already as I wait for the birth of my baby. Definitely going to reread this in a few months when the baby is out of the womb. 🙂
Hi, Michelle, and welcome! Your comment made me smile! 🙂 I’m learning that my selfishness is being removed in layers, almost like an onion. I agree that oftentimes that first layer is revealed and removed through marriage. Parenthood was the next layer for me, and foster parenting has been yet another. I’m so grateful for a God who is patient with all our “layers,” and who patiently teaches us and refines us.