“Mama, we see my mom today?” he asked as he climbed the stairs to my waiting vehicle.
Making efforts to keep my voice cheerful, though inwardly I was cringing, I answered, “No, honey. Not today. Two more days.”
“Awwww.”
My heart fell even as his face did.
You see? He misses you. Even at his tender age of just a few years, he knows that it’s not supposed to be this way.
God didn’t mean for it to be this way for him, you know?
I suspect you do.
I’m pretty sure it’s something you tell yourself often.
But here’s something you might not hear. Something you probably neglect telling yourself, and something I must be certain not to neglect telling you:
God didn’t mean for it to be this way for you, either.
God meant for your hug to be the one that welcomes him after school.
God meant for your loving hands to be the ones that wipe his tears and soothe his boo-boos and guide his chubby pencil-gripping fingers as he forms his first letters.
God meant for your voice to pray over him at bedtime and for your lips to graze his forehead as you whisper, “Good night. I love you.”
God meant for your face to be the one that greets him on Mothers’ Day morning and his birthday morning and Christmas morning…and every morning in between.
But the thing is, reality on this sin-infested planet often falls short of God’s intentions, doesn’t it?
And we pay the price.
You might not understand my statement that “we pay the price.” Your price is certainly high. How your heart must ache for what you’re missing!
For who you’re missing.
But I want you to know that my heart aches, too. My heart aches for you, even as I’m enjoying what you’re missing.
And when they return home to you – which is what we’re all working toward – my heart will be the one that aches with missing them.
Yes, the price for sin is high and the consequences steep.
But guess what? All the beauty and goodness and rightness of God’s intentions are within your reach.
Not because you’ve finished your parenting classes or found a new place to live, though those are both good things.
And not even because you started coming to church, though that’s a good thing, too.
God’s intentions for you are within your reach just because He said so.
“…that they should seek God,
and perhaps feel their way toward Him and find Him.
Yet He is actually not far from each one of us.”
Acts 17:27
And His intentions for you are within your reach because He paid a high price to secure the relationship with you that sin destroyed.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us
in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8
That’s how much you matter to Him.
How much your son matters, and your family.
How do I know that God is within your reach?
Because you’re never outside of His.
“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”
James 4:8
Love,
His foster mom
The conversation at the beginning of your post is so familiar to me. My foster sons repeatedly count down to the next visit. You are right: it is not supposed to be this way. We all pay the price.
Thank you for identifying with me in this, friend. May our Lord bless you as you persevere, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
This is so beautiful. My tears and heart somehow feels differently as I read your post. 😍😍😍
Hello, Ariana! I’m so glad this ministered to you. Thank you for taking the time to leave this kind word.
From a bio mom that has been in this situation for over 2 years and then completed and won my case and transitioned my children home, i relate to this so much. Me and my childrens foster mom are very close. Always have been and always will be. She is an amazing person and loves my children in a way i thought no one else ever possibly could. We have laughed and cried together and we worked to get my children home as a team. She has become a permanent member of our family and im forever thankful for her and the relationship we have built together. Unfortunately not all bio parent/foster parent relationships are this way. Some relationships are strained and even worse some don’t exist at all. I went through this for 3 months while waiting for cpc to complete a custody transfer to my grandmother and my older 2 kids were seperated and placed in different homes. I met my daughters foster mom and she was wonderful. My sons foster mom was horrible. She traumatized him so much it took a very long time to heal and i still dont think it completely has. My kids were with me 24/7 before they were removed from me and the foster parent never let him contact me outside of our once a week visit at a center. I dont know her name, i only know she lived several counties a way and the horrible things he has told me she did to him and i can see it in the way he acts afterward. He was taken to child services 3 times in 2 days for them to try to calm him and no one called me!! He was moved 3 times within 2 days before this woman and no one would give him any answers and i wasnt allowed to tell him anything. THAT IS WASNT MY CHOICE FOR THINGS TO BE THIS WAY AND THAT I WAS SO SORRY AND WAS FIGHTING FOR HIM. My grandmother offered to take them when they were being removed, they said the emergency placement would take 24 hours if not instant, IT TOOK CPC 3 MONTHS TO PLACE HIM WITH HER AND SHE WAS 70 WITH NO CRIMINAL RECORD AND AN AMAZING REPUTATION. They couldnt even give a reason. They acted like they didn’t care. Please to all the foster moms reading this, dont blame the mom or cut them off from their child. I promise you it doesnt helpor fix anything and this traumatizes some kids. Please communicate and always think of the childs best interest. Never assume something you don’t know. I cant stress this enough. Thank you for what you do for children that need it the most and please remember to always consider whats best for the child.
Sincerely,
Kaitlyn a mother that loves her kids and brought them home.
Hi there, and thank you for sharing part of your story with us. I pray that God would richly bless you and your children, and that He would help you to know Him, love Him, and serve Him with all your heart and all your soul.